A Proposal for a Good End - Nia M Wardani | A Logbook of Life Discoveries

 

Yesterday, I watched a podcast called PutBal by Pandji Pragiwaksono and Ustadz Felix Siauw. The topic was about what is the correct way to pray to Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala. At one point, Ustadz Felix mentioned that we should have a death proposal to live correctly. Everyone muslim wants their death to be husnul khotimah (the good end). However, what kind of husnul khotimah are we hoping for? We can wish for it specifically. For example, Ustadz Felix wants to die within his dakwah. For this purpose, he spends his time mostly in dakwah. So, the likelihood of him dying while he is doing dakwah is greater.

This idea struck me. Contrary to writing a life proposal as the most common practice, writing a death proposal makes more sense to me. While creating a life proposal, we can just write down different worldly things and choose whatever feels good living in it. I have tried it, making lists of 30 things I want to do, but it keeps expanding, to 60, to 90, and more. There is no end to it, as if I will be living forever. This is the big problem: I will not be living forever.

Writing a proposal for a good end (let us call it this way because the term ‘death proposal’ feels a bit awkward to me) means you have your final destination in vision. Having a vision of how you end is giving you the drive to practice what you wish to do when you die. People say that if you spend most of your time reading the Quran, you will most likely die while reading the Quran. If you spend most of your time doing a good deed, you will die while doing it. But, if you spend most of your time doing maksiat, then you would also most likely die when you are doing maksiat. Well, I don’t want to die while doing something bad.

Furthermore, writing a proposal for a good end gives me a solution to what I am fearing the most. I fear that I will die in weakness and hopelessness. That will be difficult for me to be grateful to Allah at the end of my time. I fear that I will become a burden to people, even after I die. I fear that anyone has to endure hardship taking care of me if I die during my sickness. Since I don’t have a child, I fear that I will die alone, without anyone knowing or taking care of me. I fear that people will find me as a rotten corpse, making it difficult to take care of what’s left of me.

It might be true that after you die, you will not be thinking about those things. In the Barzakh (the realm after you die and before the Day of Judgment), you will just be busy worrying about the judgment of what deeds you have done. However, can I just think about it for the sake of my inner peace while living in this world?

It’s Good to End At The Top of Your Performance

My husband and I watched MotoGP recently. We discussed how good it would be if a rider decided to retire when he was at the peak of his performance. Everyone will remember him as the champion of the game. And then, he can aim for the next bigger target.

Things will be different if he retires after his performance decreases from the peak. The audience will say, “he used to be good, but he no longer has the ‘fang’ to win”. Mood will change. To start aiming for a bigger goal will be harder with a worse mood and less support.

My husband and I decided that the best time to let go is when you are at the peak of your performance. It is harder to stay at a peak than to move from one peak to another higher peak.

I think it will also be good if my life ends when I am at the peak of my devotion to Allah. And also, while I am at the peak of my usefulness to humanity.

Creating A Vision of A Good End

As much as I love gardening, I don’t want to die among my vegetables. Dying among beautiful plants and flowers might be scenic if you watch a movie–I can’t blame some people who would love that. But at least, I want to die among the people I love.

Long ago, I watched videos about some scholars who died while giving sermons. I see how beautiful their ends are. They die while spreading the words of Allah. They are surrounded by people who love Allah, the people who witness the scholar’s effort in the Hereafter.

I imagine how good it will be if I die while I am giving a lecture to people. I am not good at Islamic knowledge, so I couldn’t give such sermons. But I want to teach physics and show people how Allah has designed this world in great detail so that humans can take advantage of the laws of physics to ease their lives. I want to show that Allah loves mankind, and I hope that they love Allah too.

(This, in fact, was my idea when I was studying physics in university. I wanted to promote spirituality through understanding the laws of nature. I created a science magazine and study group. Sadly, after I graduated, I have long forgotten about it. I just remembered this idea while listening to the podcast I mentioned earlier)

Making Efforts to Make the Vision Come True

Now that I have discovered my vision of a good end, I need to make some efforts to make this vision come true.

First, I want it to end while I am still strong and healthy. I don’t want to be sick and weak and be a burden to anyone until old age. So, I need to maintain health, have a good dietary habit, do regular sport, and keep my body fit.

Second, I need to be more serious in sharing my knowledge in physics. I must write more about physics and Allah’s blessings in the laws of nature. I must find more teaching or sharing opportunities so that I can reach more people. I must also learn more and keep up to date with current discoveries in physics. It will also be great if I can get in touch with the people that has the same aspiration and work with them. If Ali Abdaal talked about 4-hours Deep Work, this is what my Deep Work will be.

Remember about my life proposal, the list of goals that keeps getting longer? Well, I need to sort this list and make some priorities to fit my proposal for a good end.

May Allah accept my efforts as good deeds in getting closer to Him.

This is Not For Everybody

I understand that creating this type of proposal is not for everybody. Yesterday, I talked about the podcast with my husband, and I asked him what his proposal would be like. He said, ”Whatever good end Allah will give me.” Well, creating a vision and living to fulfill it might not be his thing. He is already satisfied with whatever Allah will give him. That’s also okay.

What about you? Do you have a vision of a good end? Or do you agree more with my husband? Share your thoughts in the comments.