Rediscovering My Self Through Blogging -

This year, I decided that this is the year of self-exploration. I allow myself to wander into different areas, trying different skills. I decided to reflect on my life through writing. I believe I would find something–a connection, a treasure, a deeper meaning–that would help me to move on to my future self. What am I actually created for?

In Search of Self-Identity

Allah has said it in The Qur’an sura Adh-Dhariyat verse 56:

وَمَا خَلَقْتُ ٱلْجِنَّ وَٱلْإِنسَ إِلَّا لِيَعْبُدُونِ

“I did not create jinn and humans except to worship Me.”

However, apart from the mahdhah worship (the direct worship of God, e.g., prayers, fasting, hajj), I still envy the people who can do the greatest benefit to mankind. The Prophet said, “The best of humans are those who are most beneficial to others,” as narrated by Ahmad, ath-Thabrani, and ad-Daruqutni.

Mother Aisyah radiyallahu anha (may Allah be pleased with her) is known for her knowledge. Uthman bin Affan and Abdurrahman bin Awf are known for their wealth and generosity. Khalid bin Walid is known for brilliance in warfare. Every person must have this quality given by Allah, which can make them the most beneficial to others.

I believe God designed each individual for a specific purpose. Even though I am currently still clueless, what is mine?

I tried not to mention this, but after my resignation, honestly, I am experiencing an identity crisis. People are usually labeled by what they do. Actress Michelle Yeoh and Researcher Dewi Nur Aisyah, for example.

However, since I am currently hopping from one role to another, doing different freelance jobs on the same day, I find it difficult to label myself into a particular role in society. Well, I tutor students in the mornings and afternoons, I blog in between, and I also sell books. Sometimes I also help people with graphic design. But I still could find a role that I am really good at, that can be my personal branding, so good that people know me for this particular role.

When people ask me, "What do you do for a living?", my answer changes depending on who I am speaking to. One time, an elderly woman in the mosque asked me that question. I said, "I sell books," thinking that it was the easiest answer she could accept. Today, my former student asks me, "Where do you work now?" I said, "Nah, I am just at home, freelancing. Visit my blog if you are willing to." I am hoping she will find the long story there.

But the idea of having one thing that I am really good at that people know me for can't be erased from my mind.

So, I embark on this life adventure.

This year, I am tracing my life back to before I was born. I am reviving the memories of my childhood. I am interviewing the elders of my family. I am collecting the mementos of my childhood. What background has shaped me into who I am today?

This Ramadan will make this quest more meaningful. This is the month I get closer to my big family. Relatives will come from different cities to gather for Eid. I will collect stories. I will map connections. And more than that, in this blessed month, I hope Allah will give me hints of what I am looking for.

Ramadan is exactly the perfect time to reconnect with Allah. This whole month is blessed. If there is something you need to improve, improve it during Ramadhan.

The Blog = The Logbook

If you noticed, my way of writing in this blog is quite messy. It is because I am processing my thoughts while I am writing. This blog is my ‘laboratory’. It helps me navigate my thinking. I get clarity after writing it. It is not an end product, but rather a note of process.

This blog is the logbook of my life discoveries. The record of failures and successes–the lesson learned. The little history no one would think is significant enough to be included in textbooks, but is important enough for me.

I hope this blog will help me be more grateful for what Allah has given me, more optimistic about the future, and more resilient in facing whatever Allah will give me.

I dedicate this blog to become the proof of my gratitude to Allah (Readers, please be my witness in the Hereafter). Allah has given me the ability to read and write. Allah has given me the chance to learn to blog and to connect with other bloggers, especially through the Blogspedia Community. I am very grateful for it.

Join Me on This Quest

A couple of days ago, I listened to a podcast by Ustadz Felix Siauw. He mentioned that in Surah Al-Fatiha, the surah that we recite at least 17 times a day, we say:

إِيَّاكَ نَعْبُدُ وَإِيَّاكَ نَسْتَعِينُ

"You ˹alone˺ we worship and You ˹alone˺ we ask for help." (1:5)

ٱهْدِنَا ٱلصِّرَٰطَ ٱلْمُسْتَقِيمَ

"Guide us along the Straight Path," (1:6)

He emphasized the word “we” and “us” in the verses, meaning that we, together with other muslims, ask God for help and guidance. Allah has asked us to.

These words very much inspire me. I don’t want to walk on this journey alone. If you are currently on a similar quest, I invite you to join me in this journey, too. We might share the same story. We might have different perspectives. I really want to see in the comments what you think about it. I believe your comments will make this story richer and more meaningful.

So, would you share your thoughts about this quest?

#TheCupuersIsBack #RamadanSoulJourney #BloggingAsIbadah.

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