I went to bed last night with a new realisation. If today's people live to around 60 years old, I have only around 25 years left. If I can do one big thing a year, I only have 25 big things left until I die. That's only 5 Hobonichi-5-years! I realized life is not as long as I used to think!
By the way, 25 years is what I call lucky. People die soon these days.
Let's say I have these 25 big targets left; shouldn't I be more careful about what I am wishing for? I can't wish for something not big enough for my precious short life. Shouldn't I be more careful about what I want to pursue?
I bought a new 2027 planner lately. One of the spreads says to write "my-100"; it can be goals, places I want to visit, things I want to do, etc. But then I questioned: will I have enough time to fulfill all 100 wishes? It means like completing at least 3 wishes per day! It is not realistic, is it? Those 100 wishes- are they big enough for me to pursue? What if they actually only distract me from what truly matters?
And here again: what truly matters in my life?
How does my life matter to the world? Does my life really matter? Or, between me living and not living, is it just the same for everybody? What impact could I have on people? My family, I believe, will be sad when I pass, but I am sure that, within several days, they will just continue their life as if nothing had happened. I am not that essential.
Suddenly, life feels so narrow.
And if I want to make a change now, I don't think there are many chances. Simply, look at my life that just passed; is there something special?
If I have only 25 years left, that is less than half of my current age, shouldn't every day be special? Shouldn't I make every day special? How should I make every day special?
Let's say I want to make today special. I will go to an Islamic lesson at the nearby masjid today. Let's make it special because I will learn something today. After that, I will create final exam practice questions for grade 12 students. How can I make it special? Maybe adding motivation or a quote to the worksheet? Then I want to cook grilled broccoli. My husband loves broccoli.
Are those small things big enough to make my life special?
What long term big goals I want to achieve today? What big thing I want to progress to today?
If I only have 25 big wishes for my 25 years left, what would those wishes be?
"The Prophet (ﷺ) drew a square and then drew a line in the middle of it but extending outside the square. He then drew some small lines reaching the middle line from the side within the square."
He said, "This is man, and this (square) is his life span (death) which encompasses him on all sides. This line which is outside the square is his hope (expectations). And these small lines are the troubles (calamities and trials) that try to catch him. If one misses him, another will snap at him, and if that misses him, yet another will snap at him."
Even 25 years is an exagerration. Only Allah knows how many left of me. What I can do is to plan, but His plan is surely better than mine.
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